Strive

I'm striving all right. After all that's what Strava means. Strava being the popular fitness tracking app known to all walks of athletes around the world. I racked up right around 4000 km of running with over 120,000 meters of elevation gain in 2017 and I would be lying if I said it isn't a point of pride for me.

I've been training and improving steadily for about 6 to 7 years and more importantly made some meaningful personal friendships along the way. Yes, I really enjoy the camaraderie with the broader ultra running community, but for me it's more about the few deeper more personal relationships forged out on the trails over many hours and days of running together. Mind you, there are certainly a lot of names on my “people who are awesome and with whom I would love to hang out more if my schedule allowed for it” list.

So everything is great right? I'm thriving! I might have agreed to that even a few short weeks ago. Since then I strained a tendon in my leg which refuses to get better, got fired from a new job I had started less than a week before, contracted the flu and clipped our neighbour's car while parking the other night.

What's that? Suck it up? That's life you're saying? I actually agree. I'm not soliciting pity. I’m happy with my lot in life. Just being at home trying to recuperate has afforded me a chance to reflect on the lessons that life is trying to teach me right now. Now you may or may not believe that there is a lesson to be learned from these kind of life events. For me though lacking the physical strength right now is helping me to slow down and observe what's going on around me.

How did I end up putting so much pride and effort into often marginal athletic gains while at the same time failing to curb my sarcasm towards those around me? How did I end up prioritizing checking my cell phone for umpteenth time to take in some information with little or no relevance to my life over connecting with my wife, kids, friends and family? Why is it so hard for me to let go of this false sense of control over the things around me? Why can I not stop myself for example from interrupting people while they are talking, although I know it to be selfish and inconsiderate and I'm still holding out hope that I have neither of those traits? Why does it elude me to be more gentle, kind and patient more consistently?

I certainly wouldn't agree if you told me that I'm not showing up for my family. I do. In all honesty though there are too many times where they have to make due with what's left of me after exercising, working and doing chores. Now I'm certainly never going to be one to propagate total self-sacrifice of your own needs and interests in order to better be able to take care of those around you. I don't believe that is a sustainable approach to things. I am very fortunate to have a schedule that affords me with ample time to exercise without sacrificing family time. On the flip side it does leave me with less time at home with my family when they are off though. So in that respect it's double sad when despite everybody's best intentions we all end up being zombies on our individual screens and wasting precious opportunities to connect.

Nobody on their deathbed is ever going to say “I wish I checked Facebook / the weather app / the news / Instagram (or whatever else it is that occupies their attention) more frequently”.

I have all the info too. I know the studies. I know that people with stronger, healthier relationships live longer, are happier and tend to have less regrets when they do eventually die. It's not the guy who poured all his heart and soul into coming in 14th instead of 28th in the 2018 Whatcha-ma-call-it 50-miler.

So where does that leave me? Well for starters writing this down has helped me to structure my thoughts and ambitions a bit. I didn't check my phone all morning and instead played a board game and shared some of my (chubby) childhood pictures with my kids. That was a good start I suppose. I'm just a guy circumnavigating the same pitfalls as everybody else.

So many of us including myself are just getting off track by filtering through this perpetual stream of often barely relevant information all the time. It's so often that I notice how reading on a screen makes me really agitated too whereas reading on paper is in fact quite calming. The screen wins mostly on the merits of accessibility I suppose.

I will focus on relationships, not achieving only my own agenda. I will be more present, open, calm and accepting. I will try to practice love and forgiveness towards myself and others. I guess it comes down to trying to be more conscious and present at any given time. Athletic goals can seem hard to achieve but let's face it. Eat, sleep, train and recover well while listening to the signals of your body and Bob's your uncle.

Now this whole wishy-washy personal improvement stuff on the other hand, that's like ninja level tough for real, but you know what? I'll start striving for that a lot more intently. Now if I happen to place in the top 10 in the 2018 Whatcha-ma-call-it 50-miler that would be freaking awesome too, but it's all right if I don't.

Seven reasons why I will finish my first 100 miler

Well, technically it should be eight reasons with the first one being that I really enjoy running. Since it is to be expected that this pure in the moment joy will be greatly diminished  during the course of a 100 mile footrace, I want to focus on the seven additional reasons that will keep me going when all I really want to do is stop. All but two of my races to date went somewhat smootly. Both of my rougher experiences came at the 50 mile distance. One was due to a combination of mostly heat related factors such as chafing, stomach distress and overall fatigue and tightness. The other time I was just hosting a pity party for myself for no particular reason other than the fact that I didn't feel like running another 1 1/2 loops of the four loop 50 mile course just to prove that I can finish it. Although I did finish all of my races to date, I didn't always deal with adversity too well mentally. One might argue that picking an eight loop 100 mile course (the Lumberjack Endurance run in Port Gamble, Washington on April 8th) was not a smart idea with my dislike for looped courses, but then again ultrarunning is about overcoming adversity right?

So here are the seven reasons why I will finish the race and dare I say have fun doing it:

1. I will remind myself to be in the moment at the first sight of self pity and loathing. "Steady breath, shoulders relaxed, get out out of your head, notice your surroundings, smooth out your stride".

2. Speaking about smooth strides. The closest I ever came to having a mantra is: "Easy, light, smooth, fast" ... I adopted that one from Caballo Blanco of Born to Run fame.
The whole paragraph goes something like this:
“Think Easy, Light, Smooth, and Fast. You start with easy, because if that’s all you get, that’s not so bad. Then work on light. Make it effortless, like you don’t give a shit how high the hill is or how far you’ve got to go. When you’ve practiced that so long that you forget you’re practicing, you work on making it smooooooth. You won’t have to worry about the last one – you get those three, and you’ll be fast.”

3. I have been a fan of the sport of ultrarunning for a number of years now. The 100 mile race distance is made out to be this mythical beast of self discovery. I am finally ready to find that out for myself. A quote that very closely corresponds to this idea comes from William James who to the best of my knowledge was not an ultrarunner, but rather a 19th century American philosopher.

"Beyond the very extreme of fatigue and distress, we may find amounts of ease and power we never dreamed ourselves to own; sources of strength never taxed at all because we never push through the obstruction."

Wouldn't that be something?

4. More self talk. It will go something like this: "If I quit now it's back to the drawing board. It will take a lot of time and dedication to get back to being this close to finishing a 100 miler in the future. I did everything right to get myself to the startline healthy and fit enough to have a realistic chance at finishing the race and supposedly if you're not feeling like heck at one point or another during a 100 mile race, you're not doing it right."

5. I will also remind myself that I owe it to my family to take advantage of this opportunity. They supported me along the way and put up with this crazy hobby of mine. Plus, they granted me the time to come down here and run myself a race. I should honour their generosity by doing my absolute best.

6. I owe it to anyone who is injured and would love to be in my shoes if they could. I have a few running friends who have been sidelined by long injuries. I should honour them too by doing my absolute best.

7. I want that danged 100 mile finisher's belt buckle. Societal pressure is real. I'll likely never mount it on a belt, but that's not the point ... or is it?

Keep an eye out for my next post on this blog "x reasons why I did / didn't finish my first 100 mile foot race".

Actually. I'll finish. I'm strong. I got this. See what I'm doing here?

Here's the actual post: Lumberjack 100 miler race report

Happy Trails,

Marc

Lessons from a Year of Running: Resisting FOMO, redefining FKT's

A few of my 2015 races kind of got away from me. In hindsight I would say I probably did too many of them too close together or at least my expectations were too high in too many of them. Looking back on my year in running, I had the most fun while just relaxing and being out for fun or to catch up with friends. Exploratory runs in the back country while trying to bag a peak or explore a new to me area rank equally high. There were occasions in the past where just relaxing and having low expectations actually produced excellent race results, but for some reason I was not able to reproduce that this year. I am mixing up two things here though. Running is fun or at least it should be and for me personally it is - most of the time. Setting goals and working towards accomplishing them can also be fun. Mostly because it is satisfying to achieve a goal that seemed out of reach and inch ever closer to ones' full potential as a runner. There are other times though when training can seem like a chore, even though running is still fun if that makes sense. I guess the idea is to make training feel like play time and have the results take care of themselves.

Racing = Kinda fun ... sometimes (Photo credit: Elaine Fung)

I think part of why I was trying to do too much in the past was the fear of missing out or FOMO and the fact that racing is being hyped and talked about a lot. "What races are you planning to do next year?" "Who's going to run -enter name of event here- next year?" or other questions are very frequent and can lead even the most even-keeled runner to feel like they should get on board and commit to more events.

 I had a couple of ankle sprains this year and as of late I also had to take some time away from running due to injury. Having said that, when I get out on the trails lately, I am having the best time ever. I am really enjoying each and every outing immensely. I have no immediate goals, I am signed up for zero races and I hardly ever wear a watch let alone a GPS these days. I just go out to play and have fun with or without company. I can not remember a time when I enjoyed myself more while running and  that's saying a lot.

It is the season for race registrations and goal setting again though and I have spent a good deal of time mapping out events that I am interested in for 2016 and beyond. A few of those races have opened their registration already. I am just not ready to jeopardize my carefree adventures in the forest by committing to a race.

Exploring: Usually lots of fun (Photo credit: Carlie Smith)

I will judge my year 2016 in running by how many smiles it brings to my face rather than by how many finish lines I cross. I will let the results come to me or not. I will have some great adventures and miss out on others without fretting. I am also going to borrow a term from my friend Andy and aim for setting as many Funnest Known Times (rather than Fastest Known Times) on the adventures I embark on as possible. I will race and I will have goals again soon. I just don't want them to own me along with my training and my mindset. I'm gonna own them this time. I will resist the urge to run a new longer distance this year, because if I am being honest with myself, I don't want to. Sometimes I am simply feeling like I should do certain things since it is a natural progression for many ultra runners. What it all comes down to is really that I will do what I want (which includes finding balance between adventures and family life) and not get sucked into things that I think I should be doing. It sounds shockingly simple, but at least for me, oftentimes it isn't.

Have fun. Run free.

Marc